I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
