I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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