If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
