Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His nipple licking is glorious
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