Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
