Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
not ubering you a puppy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
