Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
