but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
