I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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