Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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