i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
