just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
