Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
