just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
