Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
