I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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