New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
