dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
