I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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