There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
