Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
