burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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