How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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