Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
