Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
