I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
