can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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