3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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