Non-Jews are for practice
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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