dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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