every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
