JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
