The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
