xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
