wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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