I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
