Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
