I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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