i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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