He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
