I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
