we have pet lesbian snakes
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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