the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
