come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
