Girls should come with a carfax report
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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