Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
