Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
