Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
