Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
