I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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