so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
