i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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