My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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