thus making me awesome and them whores
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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