im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
