the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
