My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
