I think i sorta joined a cult last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
