just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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