so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
